


Holy Shit (or Five Times Jensen and Jared Met on Accident and One Time They Didn't)

by ashley_ingenious



Category: Supernatural RPF
Genre: 5 Times, Alternate Universe, Anal Sex, Angst, Barebacking, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Endearments, Fingerfucking, Frottage, I'll add more as I go I guess?, I'm bad at tags, J2, M/M, Rimming, Wordcount: 5.000-15.000, blowjob, bottom!Jensen, handjob, top!Jared
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-08-27
Updated: 2013-08-29
Packaged: 2017-12-24 19:58:03
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 14,872
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/944021
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ashley_ingenious/pseuds/ashley_ingenious
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Basically what the title says. Jensen and Jared keep running into each other, and the attraction just gets stronger and stronger every time.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. 20,000 Leagues Under the Sea

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cute guys aren't supposed to shake you up this much on the inside, are they?

"Uhm, excuse me?" He shuffled his feet adorably and kind of looked at the ground. Jensen glanced up from his book to follow the sound of the customer's voice, then rose quickly to go assist him. _Gotta pay more attention, Jen_ , he muttered to himself. He wasn't supposed to be reading at work, but he worked in a damn bookstore, for crying out loud. What else was he supposed to do? When he'd first come in, Jensen'd smiled at him, given him the customary greeting, but he seemed to be in a hurry, hadn't even glanced his way. Jen had shrugged, grateful that he was low maintenance, and gone back to his reading.

He hurried towards the customer, and the younger man hoped he hadn't been the type that stood around for a while, just hoping someone would come rescue them, before they asked for help. It'd been a really good section of the book, he probably wouldn't have come up for air for a while. 

"I'm so sorry!" Jensen beamed his best customer service smile at the other man, "I got a little caught up. What can I help you with?" He hoped he knew what he wanted, then this would be quick. Knowing the store like the back of his hand, it'd be easy to find if he had a title, or an author, or shit, even a more than vaguely general idea and _holy fucking shit_. 

Now that'd the customer'd lifted his eyes from the floor to look at him, he was stuck under the spell of his eyes. Blue, green, brown. Jensen knew hazel was the right word, but it seemed too plain to describe them, as they were anything but plain. Gorgeous, definitely. Breathtaking, maybe, because hell, was he breathing? And then an adorable pinkish tint hit the man's cheeks, and he was entranced by the rest of his face. The barely there stubble that graced his jawline, the chestnut brown hair that fell, entirely too soft looking, at his collar. His lips, pouty and perfect and, fuck, moving. Was he being spoken to? He fell back into those orbs of _bluegreenbrown_ and noticed they'd moved from shy discomfort to shy with a tinge of concern. 

Jensen had to physically shake himself out of their grasp, amping up his megawatt smile to play off his ogling. "Sorry, sugar, could you run that by me one more time?" His customer blushed and ducked his head under the full force of southern charm and Jesus, he could just eat him up with a spoon. "Verne? Jules Verne? I'm looking for 20,000 Leagues Under the Sea." 

Jensen sighed and nodded, glad to have a job to do. Brushing past the taller man, he called out a soft, "right this way," from over his shoulder, and led him to the correct area of the store. Walking quickly, he tried to get a bit of a head start on him, and the flush that he felt in his presence. All too soon after he'd gotten there, though, he could feel this guy behind him, and he felt caged. It was crazy. Everything about this guy screamed shy, completely unassuming, and just oozed harmlessness. Jensen was the siren in this situation, glasses perched on his nose to enhance the sexy librarian effect more than for any real need. Yet, in his presence Jensen felt like prey. He told himself it was because this man was incredibly tall. 

Waving generally at the section, Jen turned to him, smile still firmly in place. "All things Verne would be found on these two shelves here. If you need anything else, I'll be up front." He nodded, and Jensen walked away, throwing a little extra sway into his hips in case he was watching, and Jensen could feel that he was, _bluegreenbrown_ boring into his back as he tried not to scurry back to the cash register. 

He picked his book back up but he wasn't reading it. Eyes traveling back and forth all for show, as he tried to calm his stomach, soothe his nerves, regain some fucking control of the situation. What was even happening right now? He was just a guy, in a bookstore, looking for Jules Verne of all things. This guy was at least 27, who didn't already own all the Jules Verne they needed by 27? 

Satisfied that he'd found something suitable (if entirely fictional) to be wrong with him, Jensen was ready when his customer strode up to the register with the book. He placed it on the counter, and Jen stared at it for a moment before picking it up. It was a beautiful copy. Hard, leather bound, lovely ornate design on the cover, waves and seaweed and little creatures dotting it. He turned it over in his hands once before scanning it quickly with the price gun. 

"It's a beautiful copy," he said out loud, "I'm glad I could help you find it. Though you don't look much like a Verne guy." Those eyes met his again, confused. "And what kind of guy do I look like?" Jensen thought for a moment, taking him all in. Very, very tall. 6'3" at least. Those eyes, that hair, hint of a smirk playing on those incredible lips now, Blue checkered flannel stretched taut over broad shoulders, jeans that fit in all the best places, simple boots. "Vonnegut." He responded simply, and gorgeous (because that’s all Jensen could think to call him) tilted his head, considering. "I do read quite a bit of Vonnegut," he said, sounding impressed. Jen preened a bit under the attention. "It's a gift," he smirked. Gorgeous chuckled now, and Jen got a glimpse of perfect teeth, framed by perfect lips on a perfect face. God, he had to get this guy out of here. "27.95" He read off, and the taller man dug into his back pocket for his wallet. 

"So's the book, by the way." He threw out, offhandedly. "A gift," he continued, "for my niece. She's 13. What kind of grown man doesn't own 20,000 Leagues Under the Sea already?" He says, laughing a little more. And Jen never wants him to stop now that he's started. Never wants him to stop talking either, now that he's into it. Jensen can just imagine his voice whispering alterations of sweet nothings and filth into his ear as he writhes under him in the dark. 

Starting to feel the flush again, he lets Gorgeous swipe his debit card on the machine on his side of the counter without comment, while he placed the book in a gift box, and sealed a little stick on bow in the corner. By the time he’s done fiddling with his pin number and cash back options, he looks down at the box, and then at Jensen, smiling so genuinely that the shorter man almost didn’t know what to do with himself. “Thank you, that’s so thoughtful.” Jen shrugged. “We aim to please,” he beamed back. 

The receipt gurgled out, and Jensen tore it off and handed it to the customer, who smiled, tipped his head in thanks and walked out of the door. 

Jensen watched him leave, alarmed that he felt like a piece of him was leaving too. He stared at the door for a long time after the man had left, but the only words he had to sum up the experience seemed to be:

“Holy shit.”


	2. Friends

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jensen's best friend finds love, and Jensen finds Jared, unexpectedly, again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one turned out long! Can't figure out why, there was just a whole lot to say this time.

“You’re coming. And that’s final.” Chris’ voice growled through the phone. Jensen felt awful. Absolutely fucking awful, but there technically wasn’t anything wrong with him. No fever, no cough, no sniffle, nothing to convince his overbearing best friend that he really was too sick to come meet his new boyfriend that evening. “I feel shitty. I’m not gonna be friendly. I don’t want to scare your new beau off.” Chris snorted. “If it was even remotely possible to scare Chad off, I’d have done it by now, guaranteed. He’s amazing,” and Jensen didn’t know whether to scoff or “aww” at the tender tone his friend had taken, so he did neither. The tirade continued, “And you’re my best fucking friend, and it’s half not even real until you meet him, so drag your sorry ass out of bed, make yourself look half fucking presentable, and meet us at the bar in an hour.” Jensen grumbled something unintelligible. “I will bring him to your house, Jensen, so help me God.” 

That had Jensen agreeing and scrambling out of bed entirely too quickly. He was dizzy when he stood, gripping the back of an armchair near his bed for balance. “Yeah, yeah, fine. An hour.” Chris grunted and the line was disconnected. 

Groaning, Jensen made his way towards the bathroom and hopped in the shower. Now that Chris wasn’t on the phone, he had a million reasons for why he probably shouldn’t go anywhere tonight. There was this dizziness thing that kept happening with his head. He reasoned that it probably wasn’t the best idea to combine that with bar food, and people clamoring all around him, and loud music, and alcohol, and, he shivered, _conversation_. And if he ended up not liking the guy it’d be awkward and awkward situations always gave Jensen a headache. And if he did like the guy, well, it’d be raucous. They’d play pool, Chris might do a set on the stage, there’d be singing, and dancing and general merriment, and probably more alcohol. As far as his health was concerned, it was a lose-lose situation.

Then there was the deeper, underlying distaste of seeing anyone, even his best friend, happy in a relationship. He was bitter, and lonely, and misery loved company. He told himself he’d be doing Chris a favor by not showing up. He wanted his friend to be happy, honestly, but lately, seeing everyone all paired off was grating at his nerves. It always jarred him into the realization of how far away the life he wanted really was. Realistically, sure, he was co owner of a beautiful bookstore in a little neighborhood in SoHo. A bookstore that was managing to somehow turn profit in the days of Amazon, which was a pretty damn magical feat in itself. A bookstore he was poised to buy his partner out of within a matter of months. He’d gotten away from his demons, from Texas, and was living his life the way he wanted in New York City. His sister reminded him on a regular basis that he wasn’t just surviving, he was thriving, and he should be happy. But he wasn’t. He was lonely. 25, hadn’t been in a serious relationship since that disastrous thing with Tom three years prior, which he didn’t even want to think about. At the end of the day, sure, his life may look good on paper, but he was empty. 

Wrapped in a towel, he plopped back down on his bed after the shower. Yeah, he totally wasn’t going anywhere, not like this. But the threat played over in his head. _I will bring him to your house, so help me God_. And Jensen knew that Chris would do exactly that. Which was unacceptable. His house was his sanctuary. He’d lived in New York for six years now and of the plethora of people he knew (when he was in a good mood, Jensen could be very social) he could count on one hand how many of them even knew where he lived. Sometimes he felt like the person he was outside these walls and the person he was within them were entirely different people, and he saw no reason in bringing them together the majority of the time. Let the masses believe what they want. 

So, sighing, he rose to find something suitable from his closet. Settling on a black button down that hugged him in just the right way, well worn jeans and his favorite boots, he ran a brush through his hair once, his hand repeatedly, threw his wallet and cell phone in his pocket, and headed out.

:::::::::::::::::

As he expected, the bar was completely packed, so much so that there was a line outside. Perks of knowing the owner, he didn’t wait, just waved at Clif as he sailed through the door, oblivious to the envious looks from those shivering outside.

Despite what he’d thought while getting ready, when the heat and the noise and the smells of the bar hit him, he felt oddly better. He was alive. He was in New York City. He was young, and reasonably successful. He had friends who loved him, and who were falling in love and moving on to the next stages of their lives. Honestly, he didn’t have anything to complain about. 

He shimmied his way through the crowd and shouldered his way into a stool at the bar, completely ignoring anyone who had a cross glance to give him. He had to damn near lean over the thing to get Steve’s attention, but when he did, the gratification was instant. A shot of whiskey appeared in front of him almost magically, and he smiled as he took the amber liquid down his throat in one clean gulp. Turning back to speak to Steve, he noticed that he was already being poured another, a double this time, and he grinned decadently. Leaning up into Steve’s ear he yelled, “You’re my favorite, you know that?” Steve just nodded, sliding the drink over the bar and waving him off in the direction of the stage, where he assumed he’d find Chris and Chad. 

Sure enough, sitting in a circular booth to the right of the stage, he saw Chris’s long brown hair and flashing blue eyes sparkling under the dimmed lights. He was in the middle of telling a story, Jensen figured, from the way his hands gestured wildly and his mouth curved into an easy smile as words poured out of it, mile a minute. A blue eyed, spiky haired blonde sat next time him, arm looped through his, looking like he could barely contain a huge fit of laughter. Chad, he assumed, and smiled, because he already liked how they looked together. 

A third man sat at the table, but his back was to Jensen, so he couldn’t really see him. Didn’t matter much, anyway. Any friend of Chris’ was a friend of his, and from the animated way Chris was talking, whoever this guy was, he was obviously a friend. 

“Am I late? You said an hour, right?” He said, sidling up to the table, taking a long sip of his double shot, liking the way the warmth was starting to course through his belly. “Jenny! You came!” Chris shouted, scooting Chad out of the table to wrap Jensen in a one handed hug, which was heartily returned. “Don’t call me that, asshat!” He wanted to grimace, but he couldn’t help from curving it up into a smile. “Plus, you didn’t really leave me much choice. You threatened me!” He cried out, letting his eyes fall on the blonde who’d been displaced from his seat. “You must be Chad,” he said, amiably, “I’m Jensen, it’s good to meet you.” Chad smiled, “You too! I’ve heard so much about you!” Jensen rolled his eyes. “All lies. All of it. Every last detail.” This brought a chuckle from the blonde. “Eh, I don’t know, he told me you were gorgeous, so I brought my best friend with me, he needs to make new friends anyway. He’s shy,” Chad staged whispered and gestured then, to the third man at the table, who Chris was still speaking to. “You’d think this guy’s house was the fucking BatCave the way he guards it. Never wants anyone to know where he lives.” 

Jensen turned around to meet this third man and all the air was sucked out of him. Bluegreenbrown eyes stared back at him, smiling, obviously he’d recognized Jensen long before Jensen’d recognized him, and he unfolded himself from his seat in the booth just as Chad and Chris were settling back in. Jensen’s eyes craned up to meet his at his full height, and his brain was delayed by a solid three seconds when the other man held out his hand. “Jared.” He said, simply, still smiling like he knew something no one else did. “Jensen,” the smaller man replied shakily, trying to ignore the shot of electricity that streaked through him when their hands met in a firm shake.  
  
All the sudden he felt like everything he was doing was too much. Like he was smiling too big or standing too close or holding onto Jared’s hand too tightly or for too long. But Jared didn’t seem to mind, when the handshake ended, he stepped back and ushered Jensen into to the seat next to him in the booth, then he sat down himself, effectively closing Jensen in. 

Willing his hand to stop shaking, he took a probably too big gulp of his whiskey, rolled his shoulders while it settled warm in his belly, and within moments, was smiling at the table again. 

“So, which story is he telling?”

::::::::::::::::::

As it turned out, he liked Chad very much. The guy was funny, and loud, and always looking for trouble to get into, apparently he and Jared had the criminal record to prove it. He was a little on the wild side, but that was fine because, left to his own devices, Chris would never do anything but work, mess around on the guitar, and sleep. He needed a little diversion in his life.

The longer he looked at them, the clearer it was that Chad adored his best friend. Slowly that pang of jealousy wound it’s way through him. They looked happy. Small smiles meant only for each other, soft touches, just….intimacy. Shit, did Jensen miss intimacy. After a while, he suggested they go shoot some pool, even though he really didn’t want to, just so he’d have something to focus on other than the lovers in front of him, and the almost stifling presence of Jared, Gorgeous, bluegreenbrown, sitting right next to him, making his stomach pitch and roll. 

They hadn’t addressed that they’d met before, though Chris did tell everyone that Jensen half owned a bookstore in SoHo, and Jared did admit to knowing where the place was. 

As the racked up the balls, it was determined that Chad would play Jensen first. This seemed to tickle the hell out of Chris, who knew both of their skills, and apparently had an idea as to what sort of match up it would be before it even started. Not that he was cluing anybody in. 

Jared, for his part, just sat in a stool off to the corner, looking at Jensen. He was always looking. Not touching, not even flirting really. Just looking, appraising, and if Jensen got the idea that sometimes the neck of the beer he was nursing slipped a little further into his mouth than was necessary, well, that could’ve just as easily been in his head. 

But the looking, hell, just that he was looking, was driving Jensen to such delicious distraction that he didn’t understand how he wasn’t getting his ass handed to him in this pool game. Focusing back in on it for a moment, he determined quickly that Chad was drunk. He was also distracted, Chris wrapped around him, helping him line up his shots. Jensen knew there was way more going on there than some helpful guidance, and he glanced at Jared, who smiled knowingly at his eye roll. 

Eventually they gave up the sham of playing pool, and Chad whispered something in Chris’ ear, who nodded. The night was winding down, the bar emptying out, and Chris made his way up to the stage, grabbing a discarded guitar, and sitting down on a stool. 

The three of them grabbed a table right in front, as Chris started to play. Jensen’s heart broke a little when he realized what song it was. "Different Kind of Knight". Not a love song, or a serenade. It was all Chris’ fears of what he’d be like in a relationship. Of all the hurt and damage he just assumed he’d inflict on anyone foolish enough to fall into a relationship with him. His voice, whiskey rough and beautiful as always, rung out through the bar, and the few patrons left stopped what they were doing to watch, and listen. They probably just heard a great song, but Jensen heard it for what it was. A warning. He sang it straight into Chad’s eyes, almost begging him to run, to get himself out of this situation before he found himself hurt. 

It seemed like such a private moment between the two of them, and even though he felt like he was intruding, he glanced to his left to catch a glimpse of Chad’s face. He was absolutely floored by what he found there. There was so much emotion. So much, Jensen wanted to call it love, but he couldn’t be sure. This thing between the two of them was so new. He didn’t look afraid. He looked sad for Chris, like Jensen was, but determined. Chris’ earlier words played back in his head. _If it was even remotely possible to scare Chad off, I’d have done it by now, guaranteed_. 

Deciding to let the love birds have their moment, he glanced over at Jared, who was, of course, looking right back at him, sprawled out comfortably in his chair. Jensen shook his head, get a couple beers in him and all this guy’s shy melted away. A lock of that amazing chestnut hair had fallen over an eye at some point in the night, and he’d never bothered to move it. Jensen was physically restraining himself from brushing it out of his face himself. As if he could read his mind, Jared finally pushed the strand back, and smirked at Jensen. The feeling of being prey returned just as the last strains of the song died out in front of them.

Grateful, Jensen busied himself with clapping and whooping along with Chad and the last few of the bar patrons. Chris took a small bow, and quickly returned to his seat next to Chad, who immediately grabbed his face, said, “bring it on, sweetheart,” and brought him in for a searing kiss.

The applause started right up again. And there was that pang, a physical pain in his chest as he watched them, as he realized that Chris had done it. He’d found somebody that wanted to stick in for the long haul, even knowing all the dirty secrets there were to know. He was humiliated to feel his eyes fill, blinking the tears back before they could fall. 

He jerked at the hand on his knee, and glanced over at Jared, startling. He softened visibly when he saw those bluegreenbrown eyes laced with concern, and a little squeeze on his knee, wordlessly asking if he was okay. Jensen just shook it off, smiling again. “I’m a romantic, sue me.” And Jared chuckled a little, leaning back and, thankfully, stopped touching him. 

By this point, Chad had let Chris up for air, and had cried out, “Jensen’s turn!” To which Steve, still manning the bar, cried back, “Hell yeah!” 

“Me?!” Jensen tried to sound surprised but he knew this was going to happen. So he stood, ambling up to the stage, picking up the guitar Chris had just put down. He was torn on which song to sing, so he asked the crowd into the mic, “Heavy or light?” He got a smattering of mixed responses, but he heard Jared say heavy, saw that smirk in the crowd, and before he knew it, his hands were moving over the guitar strings, the opening strains of Eliot Smith’s “Angeles” bleeding out into the almost empty room. It was one of his favorite songs to perform, and even though it was about LA, he felt like it almost perfectly summed up his sometimes dysfunctional love affair with New York. 

_Someone’s always comin’ around here, trailing some new kill…_

Chris was nodding his head, never any doubts in his mind about Jensen’s skill, and, over the sound of his own voice echoing strangely with the acoustics, he thought he could hear Steve at the bar doing the harmony.

_So glad to meet you, Angeles…_

Chad looked shocked, which he guessed wasn’t surprising. It’s weird to hang out with someone, get to know them, and then find out they had a talent later. It’s the same way he’d felt when he’d first heard Chris sing. They’d been roommates in college, he’d lived with the guy for a year, seen the guitar lying around, but had never seen Chris touch it, and then, at an end of the year party, he’s at the front of the room, singing Drift Away and laughing, and Jensen was honestly amazed.

_All your secret wishes could right now be coming true…_

That’s what Jared looked like. Like he’d just been a second round of Christmas presents in May. His smile was huge, his eyes awed, his hand slack on his beer, like he’d forgotten it was there, like he’d forgotten anyone was there but Jensen and the weight of his gaze was so heavy that Jen had to stop looking, to calm the lump forming in his throat. 

_No one’s gonna fool around with us_

_No one’s gonna fool around with us_

_So glad to meet you, Angeles…_

He let his hands move over the guitar mindlessly, trying to lose himself in the music and forget about those eyes watching him. And it almost worked. But the music ran out and the applause kicked in and Jared was on his feet, all six foot four inches of him, throwing his body into raucous claps and whoops and hollers, spurring Chad and Chris to do the same. Steve even made to stand on the bar, before Jensen snapped at him to get his ass down. 

Yet, somehow, walking off the stage, he felt tired. That lethargy was catching up to him. He’d put on a good show, but he figured it was time for him to call it quits before the bitterness got him and he spoiled the whole night. 

He hugged Chris and Chad, saying again how wonderful it was to meet him, but he really needed to head out. Chris nodded, knowing he hadn’t really wanted to come in the first place, surprised he’d made it this long. He turned to Jared, shook his hand again, and then tried to hold back his surprise when the taller man stood and grabbed his coat. “I’ll walk you home.” 

Jensen sputtered. “Oh, no, dude, totally not a big deal, I live like two blocks from here.” Jared just smiled, and said his goodnights to Chris and Chad, then he turned back to Jensen, “Great, then it won’t be inconvenient for me.” And strode towards the door. Jensen just stared at his back for a minute, then followed behind him, not really knowing what else to do. 

He gave a friendly wave to Steve on the way out, who blew him a kiss. Clapped Clif on the shoulder, who gave him a grunt, and then met Jared. “I can take care of myself, you know. I’m a big boy. And it’s two blocks.” He tried again. Jared turned fully to look at him. “Oh, I’m sure you can. But I’m from Texas, and if my mama ever found out I let something as pretty as you walk home by yourself, she’d skin me.” Jensen snorted and rolled his eyes. “You’re from Texas. Of course you’re from Texas.” Jared just smiled. “Sure, am,” accent flowing thicker than it had been before, “San Antone, to be exact. You?” 

“Richardson,” Jensen responded, his own accent filtering through, “it’s a little outside of—“ “Dallas. I know my Texan geography.” Jared nodded. “Well, look at you. Country boy making his way in the big city, owner of a beautiful little brick and mortar bookstore. I’m sure your folks are proud.” Jen scoffed at that, but he felt oddly comforted. Something about Jared’s accent sparking his own, reminding him of all the good parts of home. His sister, the old house, his friends, everything that’d come before. “I wouldn’t say that much,” he responded, trying not to sound gloomy, “What is it that you do?” Deciding not to press, Jared responded sunnily, “I’m a freelance journalist. Just moved up here about two years ago. So far, I’m surviving on selling puff pieces about local happenings. People like to talk to me. Say I’ve got a good smile.” He grinned. “Great smile,” Jensen nodded, and then couldn’t believe he’d said it. But it’s not like it was untrue, so he tried not to let himself get to nervous over it. “We aim to please.” Jared replied, echoing something Jensen’d said to him all those weeks ago. 

The conversation had carried them further, faster than Jensen was expecting, and, despite not wanting to be walked home in the first place, he was kind of sad to realize they were in front of his apartment building. “This is me.” He said, stopping. Jared nodded, turning to look down at him. There was heat in his eyes, those fucking eyes that Jensen didn’t seem to be able to get out from under. And all that looking he’d been doing tonight, Jensen could only hope the man liked what he saw half as much as he’d liked being looked at. Jared chuckled, “I do.” Realizing that he must’ve said that out loud, Jensen did get nervous, and decidedly more pink in the cheeks than he had been a moment before. “Well, ah…..good.” He fumbled in reply. 

Jared lifted a hand and ghosted it down his cheek, which Jensen found himself leaning into. “I’m going to see you again.” Jared said, voice roughening, and Jensen could feel his jeans start to tighten. “I don’t know about that. It could get messy. You’re Chad’s friend….” He couldn’t think of any real reason as to why he shouldn’t, but he still felt caged, like Jared secretly had plans to eat him alive. He felt like he almost couldn’t breathe in the other man’s presence and it was messing with his head. “I’m not pushing,” Jared soothed, dropping his hand, “I’m just telling you. I’m going to see you again. So don’t forget about me.” He took a step back and all the sudden Jensen was breathing free air again. He found he didn’t like it. “Yeah, I don’t see that happening.” Jared smirked and nodded.

“Well then, goodnight, Pretty.” Jensen opened his mouth to contest the endearment, but somehow his cock was getting harder, and so he let it fall closed again. “’Night,” he muttered, and then pretty much fled to the door of his apartment. 

Taking the stairs two at a time, he was out of breath for more than one reason by the time he’d gotten into his apartment, leaning back against the door. Hands on his knees, he resisted the urge to drop his head between his legs to get more air. 

“Holy _shit_!”


	3. Wining and Dining

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jensen's looking for the fixin's for a country style meal, and he finds Jared. Unexpectedly. Again.

Jensen was floating on cloud nine. His sister was coming to town. She landed in about two hours, and insisted on taking a cab to his place because, “What’s the point of being in New York City if I don’t get to ride around in taxi cab like Sex in the City?” He’d scoffed, but allowed her. It gave him more time to pick up all the fixings for her welcome to town dinner, which he was more than happy to cook for her. His little sister was one of the few members of his family that’d stuck by his side after he’d come out. The rest of his family’s reaction was, well, disheartening. Sometime’s he’d wished they’d have just disowned him flat out, instead of the slow, steady rift forming between them. He’d come out right before leaving for college, and, while his parents had expressed their discomfort, they’d told him that they’d loved him and that they’d figure it out. 

But they hadn’t. 

Phone calls were short and tense, and then just weren’t answered, voicemails not returned. And then they just wouldn’t be home when he’d drop by on weekends. And then they were going to a friend’s out of state for Christmas, so there was no point in him coming home. And slowly but surely, that became the norm. There was no point in him coming home. No point in him calling home. No point at all. 

So when he’d graduated, he hadn’t really known what he was going to do. Until Chris, who’d graduated a year prior, offered him a couch to crash on and a job at a bar, and he’d started his life over. 

It still filled him with sadness to think about the family he’d lost, but it filled him with more joy to think about the family he’d gained. He and his sister hadn’t really been too close before he came out, but after, she made such a valiant effort to keep in touch with him, to let him know he was loved, and that his parents just couldn’t understand. They talked almost every day now. Chris, who’d become the brother he would never have thought to ask for, but sorely needed. Jeff Morgan, who’d been his mentor in college and was now business partner. Mr. Morgan had changed his life, offering him the opportunity to work in the store, and then giving him the idea to buy into it, as he got older and realized he wouldn’t be around forever. He and his wife, Samantha, were lovely, but they didn’t have any children, and they didn’t want to see their hard work sold off and made anything else. Jeff was convinced that Jensen would fight for the integrity of the store, and he wasn’t wrong. 

So, despite everything, Jensen was smiling as he walked through the grocery store, to pick up the stuff for dinner with his baby sister. He honestly couldn’t wait. 

“God, and you say I have a great smile.” 

He turned to see Jared, holding a small basket full of produce, walking towards him confidently. Jensen willed his knees not to shake. “Hey,” he smiled shyly. Jared smiled. “Hey back. I told you you’d be seeing me again.” Jensen nodded. “I believed you.” The older man arched an eyebrow, “Did you?” But Jensen just nodded. He was having trouble making eye contact for some reason. Probably his sanity. Bluegreenbrown hadn’t trapped him yet and he was trying to keep it that way. Jared didn’t seem to mind. 

“Looks like quite the spread you’ve got there.” He said, looking over the contents of the basket. Jensen nodded again. “I’ve got family in town, figured I’d make an evening of it.” It was Jared’s turn to nod. “Southern hospitality, all the way up here in the frozen North.” He smiled, and Jensen couldn’t help but smile back. “I think that’s Canada.” But Jared just waved him off. He was still looking at the basket, picking up the bottle of wine Jensen’d picked out. “No, no, no, honey. This is awful.” The term of endearment rolled over Jensen pleasantly, leaving warmth like a whiskey shot in his belly. “And you know better?” He asked, skeptically. “Just so happens, I do. C’mon, doll, let Daddy show you a thing or two.” And he strode off towards the wine department. 

Jensen couldn’t do much except follow behind him. “You are not shy.” It came blurting out before he’d even fully realized he was thinking it. Jared turned. “What?” 

“You’re not shy. When I met you, the first time, at the bookstore, you seemed so fucking shy, and adorable, and harmless, but you’re not.” Jared flashed him a cocky grin. “No? What am I?” Jensen shook his head. “I’m not sure. Dangerous, though. Whatever you are, it’s dangerous.” And with that, he pushed his basket ahead, now leading Jared toward the wine section. 

When they got there, Jared began scanning the selection. He asked Jensen about his price range, but the younger man just waved his hand. Mack was only able to make it to town once every few years, he wasn’t putting a budget on the evening. His bills were paid, and worst case, he’d eat ramen for a few weeks, but he’d be damned if she didn’t enjoy herself. 

“I was dumbfounded, you know,” Jared said quietly, still looking at the wine, “first time I saw you. Never saw anything…Jesus, and it’s like you don’t even know what you look like. Never saw anything as gorgeous as you. Didn’t know what to say. Didn’t know if you’d be interested. Didn’t know if you were single. Just didn’t know.” Jensen was trying to keep his mouth from hanging open. “And then you were looking at me, trying to decide what kind of man I was, and I was scrambling. Entered my PIN number three times, watching you put that ribbon on that damn box. Your hands…and watching you on that guitar, yeah…” He breathed, and Jensen just watched him, and waited. “Never seen anything as gorgeous as you.” 

He closed his hand over an (apparently) better wine selection, replacing it with the one in Jensen’s basket. “That’s the one you want.” He muttered, suddenly shy, and adorable again. He shifted his weight from one foot to another, like he didn’t know what to do with himself after the confession. Like he’d said too much. 

Finally, he stepped towards Jensen, tipping his head up with two fingers, and leaning in to brush their lips together. He did it once, tentatively, twice, like he couldn’t believe he was getting away with it, and the third time, he pressed them together harder, Jensen’s hands tightening on the bar of the grocery basket, Jared’s tongue tracing the seam of his lips, teasing them into opening. 

And then heat, and hunger, and so much fucking want. Tongues and teeth clashing painfully for a minute, but then Jensen tilted his head, the angle changed, and the world opened up between them. Jensen squeezed the basket tighter, scared to touch, for fear he might let himself be taken on the floor of the grocery store because, shit! They were in the grocery store! 

He gasped and jumped back. Jared looked confused, lust still clouding his eyes, but when they cleared he rubbed a hand over the back of his neck, and had the good grace to look sheepish. “Sorry,” he muttered, “shouldn’t have done that.” Jensen nodded, dumbly, not trusting his words yet. 

“Here.” Jared clarified quickly. “Shouldn’t have done that here, cause God have I wanted to do that, and damned if I wouldn’t do it again. But not….” “Here.” Jensen finished, cursing his shaky, breathless voice. Jared nodded, “Yeah.” “Yeah.”

Jared took a step back, focusing for a second on his own basket of produce. “I have to uhm, go. Not that, I mean, I had a place I needed to be, and then I saw you. Don’t think I’m like, running out on you or anything.” Jensen shook his head. “No, no,” voice still shaky, “It’s fine. I’ve gotta cook dinner and get the house ready and,” Jared nodded. “Right, right. Family in town. It’s good wine. Don’t pick your own wine anymore, you’re hopeless.” Jensen chuckled and shrugged, “Don’t really drink it of my own free will.” Jared nodded again. Then sighed, took a step toward Jensen and pressed his lips gently to his temple. 

“I’ve gotta go, Pretty.” He breathed, Jensen nodded, knowing that he needed to say something, though he wasn’t certain what. Finally he settled on, “You’re going to see me again.” Jared smiled, nodded, and then disappeared around a corner. 

The façade of calm Jensen had been barely holding onto crumbled, and he started to shake. Slowly, he pressed a finger to his lips, still tingling from where Jared’s had attacked them moments before. 

“Holy fucking shit.”


	4. It's a Hard Knock Life

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chad and Chris are in trouble, and so are Jensen and Jared. Unexpectedly. Again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Angst is coming like winter, kids. Bundle up.

Chris and Chad were in jail. He’d gotten the call about ten minutes before, Chris’ words slurred like a man who’d long since drifted from drunk to bone tired and embarrassed. Something about trespassing and public indecency that had Chad’s name written all over it. Grumbling, he rolled out of bed. They’d dropped the charges, apparently Chad had batted his eyelashes enough at the right people, but they weren’t being released until they were in the care of a responsible adult. 

“Me?” Jensen’d said blearily over the phone, “Responsible?” Chris’d growled. “You were a fucking boy scout, for Christ’s sake. Yes, you. Now get your ass down here!” Jensen shrugged. He had been a boy scout. 

He pulled on well worn sweats, a college tshirt, and his glasses because he definitely wasn’t messing around putting his contacts in at half past three in the morning. Sliding into the truck that he hardly ever drove (it was New York, after all) he rode down to the police station, soft rock pumping through the speakers, giving him a really mellow vibe, despite the fact that he was on jail break duty. 

He parallel parked in front of the precinct, grabbed his wallet out of the glove compartment and hopped down from the truck, strolling into the police station, smiling at those he saw. 

Walking up to the front desk, he provided his ID and told the officer he was here for Christian Kane and Chad Murray. The officer shook his head. “You can only get one, sir.” Jensen was dumbfounded, he didn’t really know what he was supposed to do. “But…” he sputtered, “I’m their responsible adult.” The officer nodded. “Got that, but they’re big boys. We don’t release two adults to one person. You can only spring one.” His tone was firm, bordering on rude, and Jensen had opened his mouth to say to when he was interrupted. “We understand, officer. He’s here for Dumb. I’ve got Dumber.” The officer nodded and strolled away before Jared had made it all the way to Jensen’s side. He leaned into the shorter man’s ear, “10 bucks says they give us the right ones.” Jensen snorted, his shoulders rising and falling. “Matter of opinion. I totally think Chris is ‘Dumber’ in this situation.” Jared tilted his head. “I mean, Chad’s just acting within his nature, from what I’ve seen. Chris? Chris got arrested for thinking with his dick, from the sounds of it.” Jared chuckled. “When it comes to Chad, people have gone through more for less.” He breathed for a moment, and then his voice dropped an octave and he was closer to Jensen’s ear. “Speaking of thinking with your dick, you should **not** look this good at this time of night.” Jensen shivered. “I don’t know what you mean.” “I _knowww_ ,” he drew it out until it was almost a whine. “And you don’t know how much worse that makes it. I should’ve never kissed you.” 

Jensen turned to face him now, trying not to be offended. “Can’t get the taste of you out of my mouth. Want to kiss you all the time.” Jared clarified, leaning down to brush their lips together briefly. Jensen jumped, looking around to see if anyone saw them. Jared just chuckled, taking his chin between two fingers and turning him back towards his own face, dipping down to kiss him lightly again. “Honey, this ain’t Texas. It’s Brooklyn at four in the morning. They’ve seen worse.” But he searched Jensen’s eyes for approval before he kissed him again, deeper this time, Jensen opening up without meaning to. 

This wasn’t the same blinding heat from the grocery store. This was sleepy and slow and exploratory. Jared’s arm snaked around Jensen’s waist, bringing him in close enough that Jensen’s slowly filling cock rested on Jared’s hip. He rolled his hips a little, testing, and Jensen moaned and snaked his hand up through Jared’s hair, pressing his pelvis harder against him. 

The sound of a throat clearing broke the two apart, but not in a rush. The officer stood there, with Dumb and Dumber in tow. Chad looked thrilled at the new turn of events, Chris looked furious, and the officer just looked uncomfortable. 

Chris pushed out from behind Chad. “Is there paperwork?” He snapped at the officer, who shook his head dumbly. “Then bring your asses on!” He growled, heading for the door. Chad chuckled and shook his head. “Don’t mind him. He’s mad at me. What he meant to say is that we’re happy for you.” And with that, he followed Chris outside. Jared and Jensen walked slowly behind them, close, their hands touching. It’d be so easy, Jensen kept thinking, to reach out and tangle their fingers together. He was certain he’d feel better. More solid, more secure in this sick, sliding feeling forming in his stomach. 

“You alright?” Jared said quietly, and Jensen nodded, but he wasn’t entirely sure. “I’m not sure if I believe you for some reason, doll.” Jared shot back, and Jensen sighed. Of course he didn’t. They were on the steps of the precinct now, Chad talking to Chris, smoothing ruffled feathers and whispering things in his ear. Chris still looked furious but, Jensen knew the shades of his fury well, he’d be turning the corner in a minute or two. “I’m not sure if I believe me either.” 

Now Jared did grab his hand, spinning Jensen to face him. “What’s wrong?” Bluegreenbrown and, shit, was he ever going to be immune to this man’s fucking eyes? So laced with concern and worry they were, Jensen almost wished he hadn’t said anything. “This,” he motioned a hand between them, “that,” he gestured vaguely in the direction of Chris and Chad. “I’m not really sure to be honest.” The taller man frowned. “What’s wrong with this? And, look, I know Chad can be a bad influence but he’s crazy about Chris, he’d never get him in any serious—“ Jensen shook his head immediately. “Oh, no! Not _that_ part about that.” He chuckled. “I’ve never minded being woken up less. Chris is a stick in the mud 90% of the time. It’s good to see him shaken up.” He paused, and Jared squeezed his hand, clearly wanting him to continue. “I’m just so fucking jealous of them, you know? Look at that!” He did. Chad was peppering kisses over a much less furious looking Chris’ face. Mouth shaped like “I’m sorry,” and “I’ll make it up to you,” until Chris had no choice but to loop his arm around his lover’s waist and kiss him back, all forgiven under the smoggy city sky. “I want that. Look at all that fucking love. It’s disgusting.” 

Jared nodded. “Okay, that’s fair. But what’s wrong with this?” He asked, holding up their joined hands. “I don’t even know what this is. And, as much as I want it, I don’t know if I’m ready for this to be that.” Jared squeezed his hand again. “This is…” he stopped, looking for words, but Jensen cut him off. “Exactly. This is attraction, and a couple of chance meetings, and a couple of stray kisses. This is the stuff whiny teenage romance novels are made of. And it’s fun, and it’s great, but it’s not that. Probably won’t ever be that.” He finished on a sigh.

Something flared in Jared’s eyes and all the sudden Jensen was being pulled down the last few stairs, dragged around the side of the precinct into an alley, pushed up against a red brick wall. He looked up and finally recognized the thing growing in Jared’s eyes. Hurt. 

He opened his mouth to speak but then he was being devoured. Jared’s mouth slanted over his violently, taking everything Jensen had to give, and a few things he thought he’d been reserving for someone special. It was hungry and it was angry and it was so hurt. Jensen reached out to touch him, run a hand through his hair, soothe him in some way, try to convey that he was sorry, that he hadn’t meant it that way. But Jared just grabbed his hands and pinned them above his head, letting Jensen up for a meager breath of air before dragging him back under again. 

The taller man bent his knees slightly and pressed them together so that their cocks slid against each other through the thin layers of sweats and basketball shorts. Jensen moaned into Jared’s mouth, only to have it released as he went to tease and lick down the younger man’s jaw. “Jared,” he moaned out, but he was ignored.

“Did you ever think,” Jared began, still licking and biting and scraping and humping against Jensen to the point of mindlessness. “That this is something much closer to magnetism than attraction?” Jensen had thought that, actually, he’d thought it more than once, but he couldn’t remember any of his thoughts right now, and Jared’s mouth was on him again. He felt so surrounded, so taken control of, so small under Jared’s huge hands that he was bucking his hips up to meet the other man’s without thought. “Did you ever think that maybe all these chance meetings are destiny?” Jensen was moaning again, so close. It’d been so long, and Jared felt so good, so _big_ , and Jensen knew he was close. 

Dragging a hand down the side of Jensen’s face, Jared held him possessively and kissed him again, tongue thrusting in and out of his mouth at a maddening pace, He kissed him like he wanted to take a piece of Jensen with him, and Jensen kissed him back with equal ferocity and passion. When they came up for air, Jared’s eyes were hard. “Is that what you call a _stray_ kiss? ‘Cause it feels like home to me. It always feels like home to me.” Jensen whimpered, knowing that he had to **say** something, to get this hurt out of Jared’s eyes but he didn’t have any words and the feelings were just so fucking delicious that he couldn’t be bothered to find any right away. 

Jared jammed a hand down Jensen’s shorts and began fisting his cock roughly, mouthing and Jensen’s neck, and the younger man knew he was going to lose it. The noises coming out of his mouth were obscene, and he hadn’t forgotten that they were up against the side of a police station. That tiny fact continued to make this thing exponentially hotter. “Jared, Jare…fuck, I’m gonna, don’t stop, oh my god, don’t stop…” He whined and Jared growled into his throat, fisting him harder, faster. “Come on, doll. Come for me. Bet you’re so fucking pretty when you come. Let me see it. Let Daddy see it.” 

Jensen opened his eyes for just long enough to see Jared’s – bluegreenbrown – and he lost it. “Jared! Fuck, fuuuuuckkkk, so good. So fucking good.” He babbled and moaned. Jared brought his forehead down to meet Jensen’s and began pumping his hips erratically into Jensen’s leg. “So fucking hot, coming for me. Coming for **_me_**. Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck!” And then Jared was coming, breathing ragged, panting out Jensen’s name over and over. His grip loosened on Jensen’s hands, and they immediately curled through the older man’s hair, soothing him as he came down. 

The afterglow lasted less than a minute before Jared jumped away from him like he’d been burned. His eye’s bore into Jensen’s, hard and accusing, to the point that Jen pretty much wanted to crawl into a hole and wait to die. “Feels like fucking home,” Jared said, voice still shaky. “Why couldn’t we be that? Do you think so little of me?” 

And before Jensen could say anything to defend himself, he’d turned on his heel and strode back towards the precinct steps. He heard Chad cry out, “Where’d you guys even go?” And Chris growl, “Where’s the other one? We shoulda been outta here already.” And he tried desperately to pull himself together, knowing his best friend would be coming around the corner any minute. He was so raw, his emotions were so cluttered, and all he wanted to do was curl up and cry. He sunk down the wall, till he was rested on the ground, trying desperately to blink away the tears, but knowing that a few still slipped through. 

Running a hand through his hair, he just sat there. Eventually, Chris came and sat down next to him, quietly, which was exactly what he needed at the time. Finally, he let out a shaky, but not teary breath. 

“Holy shit.” Chris muttered, crossly.

Jensen nodded. “Yeah, that sounds about right.”


	5. Green Eyed Monster

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jensen's just trying to cheer himself up, and then he finds Jared. Unexpectedly. Again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We're wrapping up, honeys! Hurt feelings galore here. & backstory. & Snuggling. & Porn. 
> 
> This is also super effing long lol

After that, Jensen was in something you might call a funk. It went on for weeks, and, of course, his friends noticed. He tried to keep it from Chris as much as he could, but he knew that was pointless. He just didn’t want his idiocy and this _thing_ with Jared to mess up what Chris and Chad had. They were doing better and better every time he saw them, and the pang of jealousy had long since faded into a whine of longing somewhere deep inside him. The way they fit together? He’d had someone who fit him that way. And he’d fucked it up. He couldn’t wrap his head around how much he _missed_ Jared. A guy he’d met a handful of times. A guy who’s phone number he didn’t even have. He felt like such a fucking basket case.

So two of his good friends, Misha and Danneel, decided he needed to go out. “Best way to get over an old man is to get under a new one!” Danneel had chirped happily as she’d pressed shirts up against him, deciding which one he would wear. “Though, in my experience, getting on top of a new one works just as well,” Misha added, and Jensen scoffed. “He wasn’t my man.” Was all he could muster. Danneel patted his cheek. “We know, sweetie, and from what we’ve heard around, that makes you an idiot. But we’ve decided to love you anyway. Haven’t we Misha?” She called out over her shoulder. Misha nodded, helpfully, checking himself in the mirror in Jensen’s bedroom. It was all he could do not to roll his eyes. “Thank you guys, ever so much.” He drawled. “You’re welcome, sarcastipants. Now put the shirt on and do that thing you do with your hair so we can go.”

::::::::::::::

That “thing” he did with his hair turned out to be running a brush through it once, wet hands through it twice, then sighing and giving up. But apparently it was working. He’d been pretty much lavished with attention since he’d gotten here. His glass had never been empty. Guys were around but never smothering. He’d even danced with a cutie or two. Leave it to Danneel to bring him to a gay club to cheer him up. She was crazy, but a genius, as it was totally working.

Looking around, he smiled when he saw Misha huddled up in a corner with a hot blonde who just _looked_ British. Knowing how much Mish loved accents, he was certain he felt like he’d hit the jackpot. Danneel was off chatting up the bartender, because she just flirted, it was her first language. And he was sitting at their table, resting after a dance, making eyes with a tall, dark, and handsome a couple tables over. He hadn’t even thought about _him_ once the whole night, until:

“Oh my gosh, Jared, you’re **so** funny!” The most annoying, nasal laugh Jensen’d ever heard in his life, followed by a cough/chuckle, and a “You’re not too bad yourself, sweetheart.” He might’ve gotten whiplash from how fast he turned around. He wouldn’t have cared.  
Jared was standing, _leaning_ , not three feet away, up against a pretty blonde twink with fucking _frosted tips_ , who’s nose Jensen irrationally wanted to break. It was bad enough he looked fucking poured into a short sleeve black button down and jeans, biceps bulging out from under the fabric. His forearms were veiny, perfect, and stretched taught as he boxed the little bastard in, crowding his space, getting up close like he liked so much. 

And, logically, this was a guy he’d met four times, who’s name he’d only known on three of those occasions, who’d he’d only kissed on two, who he’d only come for once. But the jealousy snaked through him from the eyes witnessing this fucking bullshit, all the way down to his hands, that gripped tight the drink bought by another man, all the way down to his feet, which were suddenly holding more weight, poised to move. 

A hand on his chest stopped him. “Woah, there, sweetie.” Danneel had this magical habit of popping up right in the nick of time. “You look like you want to commit a crime right now!” She chuckled and Jensen growled, fucking growled. Danneel probably wouldn’t have heard it over the din of the club, but her hand was on his chest. She raised and eyebrow, and followed his glare. “So I take it that’s him?” He nodded, and then so did she. “Yeah, he’s hot. I get it. And way out of the kids league. So we’ll break that up. No sweat. But,” she patted his chest, “let’s get some shots first. You shouldn’t be sober enough to be thinking of violence. Violence is not the answer.” She said this last loudly, overenunciating every syllable like she was talking to a six year old. He rolled his eyes, spun, and stalked over to the bar. 

He missed bluegreenbrown eyes boring into his back. 

At the bar, he ordered four shots of tequila, and then asked Danneel if she’d wanted everything. Her eyes widened. She ordered two, and then watch him take all four of his back like a champ, eyes darting back over to the wall Jared had that fucking twink pressed up against. He came to two realizations almost immediately, now that he was really looking, and not just letting jealousy get the better of him. 

First, Jared was obviously very, very drunk. Second, he hadn’t touched the kid, not once. Sure, he was crowded around him, but his hands were on opposite side of man’s head, no parts of their bodies were touching, and Jared hadn’t moved. Knowing how touchy the man was wont to be, Jensen couldn’t help but be reassured. That is, until the twink ran a finger down Jared’s chest, and his eyes rolled back on a moan. 

Jensen was up again, looking at Danneel helplessly. “So, I’m properly drunk, and this totally won’t be violent, unless he punches me in the face, but I’m feeling this incredible desire to go make a fool of myself. I can’t keep watching this sht.” He spat the last word with so much venom Danneel jumped. By the time she’d come back to herself, Jensen was less than a foot from the couple in question. She rose, and followed him over. Jensen was one of her best friends. She’d follow him off a cliff, no doubts about a confrontation with a twink and a sasquatch. 

“Jared.” Jensen breathed, nervous. Bluegreenbrown eyes slid from the twink to Jensen’s own body, looking him up and down. Jared bit off an oath as he freed the twink. “Go get yourself a drink, sweetheart. Put it on me. Take your time.” The younger man looked back and forth for a minute, but finally excused himself, shooting daggers at Jensen the whole time. 

Jared leaned up against the wall and gave Jensen another once over. “Hey, doll.” He acknowledged with a head nod. “Doll’s friend.” He nodded and waved to Danneel, flashing her his best smile. She flushed despite herself, and Jared grinned cockily with satisfaction. He still had it. “To what do I owe the pleasure?” His voice was bored, it didn’t even have enough bite to sound sarcastic. Jensen floundered.  
“You’re pretty hammered, sugar. I was just wondering how you’re getting home?” 

Jared tipped his head in the direction of the man who’d just left. “He was going to give me a ride,” then a salacious wink. “If you know what I mean.” Jensen tried to be patient. “Your place or his?” The taller man shrugged. “There’s beds at both.” Jen laughed bitterly, shaking his head. “I set myself up for that one. I did.” Jared didn’t say anything, just looked at him, bluegreenbrown eyes a myriad of conflicted emotions. Jensen was shocked to see more than a little want and more than a little hurt left lingering there. “Jared…” Jensen shifted his weight from one foot to another, guilty. And then Jared’s eyes turned hard. “Jensen.” 

It occurred to Jensen vaguely that it was the first time Jared had ever said his name. 

And then he was slammed up against the wall, where the twink had just been. “Sweetie?” Danneel spoke quietly, not really sure what she was getting in the middle of. “It’s fine, Dani. Go have fun.” Jensen responded, eyes never leaving Jared’s. “I’ll be close, if you need me.” She muttered, walking away slowly. 

“Jared…” He still didn’t know what he was supposed to say. “You look good, doll.” Jared responded, resting a hand on his hip. “Your little friend’s gonna have a conniption.” Jensen chuckled, wishing he could see the look on the kid’s face. Jared’s eyes hardened again. “So are _all_ of yours. You’ve been popular tonight, Pretty.” 

“I was trying to cheer myself up.” Jensen sighed, “My friends brought me out to cheer me up.” Jared chuckled. “You needed cheering up? Why? ‘D you miss me, doll?” 

“You’re very drunk, Jare…” Jensen said, dodging the question. “Yeah, well you’re not so sober yourself.” Jared brought his nose down, nuzzling it into Jensen’s neck. “Tell me. Did you miss me?” And Jensen nodded, dumbly. “Really? ‘Cause you sure as shit haven’t been acting like it, Pretty.” He raised his head, fixing Jensen with a cold glare. “Prancing around, smiling and flirting, _dancing_ with these douchebags. Accepting drinks and touching people’s shoulders. Making me fucking crazy since you walked in.” Jared’s other hand ghosted over Jared’s face. The younger man tried to pretend he wasn’t losing it a little, being so close again. Magnetism, he recalled Jared saying, and he couldn’t much argue with that now. 

“But I go and make nice with one sweet little piece of tail, and all the sudden you’re beside yourself.” He ran a thumb over Jensen’s bottom lip. “My own little green eyed monster.” And something in Jensen snapped. Sad and helplessly horny swirled together until he was just angry. Irrationally angry.

“I didn’t know you were here. I wasn’t putting on a show. That’s the difference. I was just trying to have a nice night out with my friends. Trying to forget about you. But you, you fucking arrogant piece of shit, you were torturing me. Standing so close to him. _Looking_ at him like that. You wanted me to see and you wanted me to react, so don’t—“ He was cut off by the hollow sound of Jared’s laughter.  
“How was I look at him, doll?” 

“Like you wanted him.” Jensen choked out, all the sudden feeling foolish. Jared arched an eyebrow. “And what if I did? What if it wasn’t a show? You’d already won, sugar. What if he was just the consolation prize? You were so caught up in tall, dark and douchey over there,” his head tilted towards the man Jensen’d been making eyes at before, “I didn’t figure you’d notice.” He brought his lips up to Jensen’s ear, to be sure he was heard over the noise, “I was going to let him take me home, Pretty. I was going to ride that gorgeous little ass of his till the sun came up. **I** was trying to forget about _you_. 

“No.” Jensen couldn’t fight the feeling that there wasn’t enough air in the room. “No?” Jared replied, cockily. “No,” he ground out again. “Mine.” And he wound his hands through Jared’s hair and pulled their mouths together. 

It’d taken Jared by surprise, but soon he was moaning into the kiss, hands gripping Jensen’s hips and pulling him in closer. Their tongues battled for dominance, both desperate for more of each other. Jared’s hands moved around to cup Jensen’s ass, lifting him up the wall. The kiss turned greedy, both of them needing more, making up for lost time. Jensen poured apology into the kiss, and hoped he was understood. But, on Jared’s end, it was just anger and hurt. There was no way for Jensen to explain here, in this loud club, with his blood pounding in his ears, rushing to his dick. 

“Let’s get out of here,” he murmured into Jared’s mouth. Jared nodded and let him down. Grabbing the taller man’s hand, Jensen wound their way through the club towards the door. 

He knew it was petty, but he threw his best smile and wave to the twink, still sitting at the bar. 

“Baby,” Jared wrapped both arms around Jensen’s middle and pulled him close, “Baby, we’ve gotta slow down. I’ve gotta close my tab out, otherwise that kid’s gonna be buying drinks on me till last call.” He chuckled nervously. Jensen just nodded and let him go. 

“Well, you two look properly kissed and made up,” Danneel sidled up next to him. Jensen pulled her into a one armed hug and shook his head miserably. “Not even close. We need to talk. This just…isn’t the place for it. And we’ve got some…” he sighed, “I can’t keep my hands off him when I’m around him. It makes communication hard sometimes.” Danneel laughed. “That’s a problem most people would kill to have.” He shrugged. “Kinda sucks right now.” 

And then Jared was back, shuffling shyly, unsure as to whether he should come close or not. Jensen reached out and grabbed his hand. “We’re gonna head out. I’ll call you?” Danneel nodded. “Did Misha leave with the British guy?” She nodded again. “Check on him in the morning. You know how he gets.” She nodded a third time, shooing them towards the door. 

Outside a light rain had started to fall. The cool air plus the rain was clearing Jensen’s head rapidly, Jared’s too, from the looks of it. He squeezed Jensen’s hand. “How’d you get here?” Jensen took a steadying breath. “Dani drove us. You?” Jared shrugged with one shoulder. “I live around the corner.” Jensen couldn’t help but smirk a little. “Well isn’t that convenient?”

:::::::::

They walked, silently. At some point, Jared let go of Jensen’s hand, and Jensen let him. The rain was never more than a light drizzle. It was awkward, and it settled like a weight on Jensen’s chest. They’d never been awkward before. Not from the day they’d met had they ever been awkward. Whatever it was, this thing between them, it’d always been easy as breathing, and Jensen had broken it.

He could only hope it was repairable. 

Jared led silently into an older looking apartment building, completely disregarding the elevator, up four flights of stairs. He pulled a set of keys from his pocket, unlocked a blue painted door, and ushered Jensen in. They stood in the dark for a moment, Jared flicking a light switch somewhere behind them, and turning to lock the door. 

Soft, warm light filled the room. Jensen’s eyes took a minute to adjust, and then he was looking at an extraordinarily well put together apartment. Chocolate tones, hints of greens and blues in rugs, throw pillows, picture frames. It was like Jared’s eyes. It was like he was standing in Jared’s eyes. 

“Take a seat,” the older man spoke, voice rough, tossing his keys in a basket by the door, and placing his coat on a rack, then heading to the kitchen. Jensen sat, uncomfortably, trying to figure out where they were going to start, what they could possibly say, what they were even doing here. How’d they gone from necking like teenagers in a nightclub to awkwardly sitting in Jared’s apartment, neither of which saying more than three words to each other in the last fifteen minutes or so. 

Jared came back out of the kitchen with two beers. He went to hand Jensen one, then faltered, placing both beers on a small table. “I’m an idiot. Sorry. I can take your coat?” He sounded nervous. Not shy, like that first day, just completely at a loss as to what to do in this situation. Jensen stood, equally unsure, and handed over his coat, careful to make sure that their fingers didn’t touch. They needed to have a conversation, and Jensen just couldn’t ensure that would happen if they started touching. 

But, of course, Jared took it the wrong way, recoiling a bit, hurt filling his eyes again. He placed the second beer on the coffee table in front of Jensen, rather than in his hand, and then sat down in an armchair, facing the younger man’s seat on the couch. 

“You didn’t have a problem touching me back at the club,” Jared sneered, voice tight. He took a long gulp of his beer immediately after. Jensen’s remained untouched on the table. “We need to _talk_ ,” was the only explanation he could offer. The older man’s eyes narrowed. “And you think…hell, Jen, what kind of animal do you think I _am_? You’re all full of things I can’t do. I can’t love you like Chad loves Chris. I can’t touch you without bending you over a coffee table. What the **fuck** , man?” He raised his arms, exasperated, a little of his beer sloshing over the neck of the bottle, running a race down his forearm. “What did I ever do to make you think so little of me?” 

Jensen scoffed, opened his mouth to say something snarky and sarcastic, then snapped it shut again. He finally lifted his beer from the table, took a long drink, and set it back down as steadily as he could. It was stalling, he knew, but he was trying to rein himself in, find the right words, not just lash out because he was terrified. 

“Jared, honey, when did I ever say any of that had anything to do with you?” He asked quietly, forcing himself to meet Jared’s intoxicating gaze and hold it. “You said we’d never have what they have.” But Jared’s voice was uncertain now, like he’d realized there was a possibility he’d overlooked. “I said I wasn’t _ready_ to have what they have. I don’t know if I’ll ever be ready to have what they have.” He took a deep breath, “But that doesn’t have anything to do with you. That’s about _me_ , honey. That’s a flaw in **me**.” 

They maintained eye contact, Jensen trying to pour sincerity into his gaze, Jared still wary, still hurt. “Attraction, and chance meetings, and stray kisses?” He parroted Jensen’s words on those precinct steps those weeks ago. The younger man shook his head, violently. “That was stupid. That was thinking out loud. That was…I just can’t wrap my head around the idea of deserving anything like what I feel for you. And, sometimes it makes me say dumb shit.” He sighed, dropping his chin to his chest. “Why would you think that?” Jared asked, quietly. Jensen fought the urge to shake his head again. He really didn’t want to do this. But, glancing up, seeing all that hurt and confusion still settled in bluegreenbrown eyes, he knew he had to. 

“I was in a really bad place, after I came out. My family didn’t take it well, and the whole thing just really messed with me, you know? And I was at college, and it was all experimentation and fun and…I was just looking for something to make this whole ‘being gay’ thing worth it. Worth losing my fucking family over. And then I met Tom. And he made me feel,” Jensen couldn’t help the smile that passed over his face at the memory, “amazing. Alive. Like I was worth it. He was my only life line, for a while. Him and Chris.” He paused, took a breath and another gulp of beer. 

“He loved me. I think he really did, he just…he’d get really angry, sometimes, when he thought I’d done something wrong.” Jared tensed. “He never—he never hurt me, or anything. Not like that. He’d just remind me. Remind me of how lucky I was to have him. You know? My own family didn’t even want me anymore, but he did. Just him. And he’d tell me how much it hurt him, how confused he was when I did something wrong because he treated me so well. And he did. He treated me really well when I was behaving…” Jared made a sound like choking from his seat, but didn’t say anything. “He was everything, to me. Everything. And I tried to do whatever he wanted, because he was all I had. For two years. Then one night, I came over to his apartment, to surprise him, and he was in bed. With this fucking twink who was always hanging around. I’d never paid him any mind. Tom played football. Groupies were a thing. And when I asked him what the hell was going on, the other guy, his name was Aaron, or something I think. He fucking _laughed_ at me. And I just kind of broke after that.”

They were quiet for a long minute, Jared’s eyes still filled with pain, but there was some rage creeping in, and Jensen knew the pain was for him, now, not because of him. He shuddered out a breath. “Chris helped me through it, a lot. Helped me to start to understand that Tom had always been kind of abusive. Controlling, y’know? That it’d never really been a healthy situation. Two years of my life…” And then he gasped, eyes meeting Jared’s sharply. “Come to think of it, that little bitch had frosted tips, too!” And he laughed, hysterically, just making the connection himself, hands shaking and fumbling with his beer bottle. He desperately needed to do something with his mouth other than keep laughing, or talk any more. 

“C’mere, doll.” Jared’s voice was gravel from the armchair, his face a mess of emotion that he didn’t seem to know what to do with. Jensen was sure his face was reflecting the same. But Jared’s arms were stretched out in invitation, and Jensen flung himself into them, burying his face in the crook of Jared’s neck, situating himself on the older man’s lap. 

Jared stroked a hand over his hair, down the side of his face, cupping his cheek and raising him, so that they were looking at each other again. “I’m sorry. Sorry that you ever had to go through anything like that. You deserve so much more than that.” Jensen sighed and looked away, but Jared just dragged his face back. “No. Listen to me. You. Deserve. Better.” Jen just nodded, that’s what Chris had been telling him these last three years, but it’d never really stuck. How stupid had he been? For how long? And for what? 

He pressed his face back into Jared’s neck, not able to find any more words to say. And they just sat that way for a while, Jared stroking Jensen’s face and hair, soothing him. Until finally, he whispered, “And what do you feel for me?” 

Jensen raised his face, smiling blindingly for the first time it what felt like forever. “You feel like home.” 

Then he leaned forward, hesitantly brushing his lips against Jared’s. When the other man didn’t respond, he tried again, dragging his tongue along the seam of Jared’s lips until they opened for him. Then he licked up into his mouth, hands trailing up over his chest, sliding up his neck, one cupping his cheek, the other tangling up in his hair and pulling.

Jared moaned into the kiss, shifting Jensen so that he straddled him, hands kneading his thighs, squeezing his ass, dragging him closer, impossibly closer, until Jensen could feel the hard lump of Jared’s cock fattening beneath him. He couldn’t help but whine and ground down into it, causing Jared to hiss in reply, fingers squeezing tighter, arching up into Jensen. 

The kiss was broken as Jensen mouthed his way down Jared’s neck, licking and sucking and nipping playfully, delighting in the choked off, desperate sounds Jared was making under his ministrations. 

Fingers fumbled at buttons in a frenzied attempt to get _more_. Before Jensen knew what was happening, he was being lifted, carried through the apartment, lips still sealed on Jared’s neck, until he was tossed back onto a large bed. 

Jared toward above him, eyes dark, breath coming in pants and heaves as he finished undoing the buttons on his shirt. “Fuck, Pretty,” he moaned, “You can’t know what you do to me.” 

And somewhere, distantly, Jensen thought he had to know, because Jared was doing it right back to him. Frying his brain with his hands and his mouth, and those eyes, _God_ , those eyes. But then Jared was leaning down to unbutton his shirt, kissing him senseless again, tongue mapping his mouth, like he wanted to know every nook, every cranny and crevice. Like he wanted to **own** it. Just the thought made Jensen whimper needily.

Jared’s breath was hot and heavy on the shell of his ear. “Oh, the things I’m going to do to you, baby. The things I’m going to do,” his free hand was tugging at Jensen’s belt buckle, deftly managing to get it undone. “But first I’ve gotta taste you, baby. Feel like I’m gonna die if I don’t get my mouth on you.” Jensen moaned, hips bucking, cock twitching at the thought of being in Jared’s mouth. 

The larger man slid down his body, licking and biting lightly the whole way. He tapped at Jensen’s hip, silently asking him to raise, so that he could get jeans and boxers down over his legs, kicking them off. 

Clever mouth, and lips, and tongue latched on to the sensitive skin that joined his thigh to his groin, and Jensen almost screamed. Jared sucked persistently, until Jensen was riding that perfect crest between pleasure and pain, knowing there’d be a mark there in the morning. He laved over it with his tongue, then rubbed circles over it with his thumb, admiring his handiwork. 

His free hand was lightly fondling Jensen’s balls, in a way that might have tickled if the younger man hadn’t already been so far gone. Jared brought it to his mouth, licking obscenely, then lowering it back to Jensen’s cock, pumping hard and fast just like Jensen loved. His mouth tripped down over Jensen’s balls, taking one into his mouth and sucking deeply, then the other, until Jensen was a writhing mess above him, hips fucking into his fist helplessly, teeth digging into the meaty part of his hand to keep quiet.

“Nuh uh, Pretty,” Jared scolded, lightly, “Wanna hear you. Want the fucking neighbors to hear you.” His hand left Jensen’s weeping cock, and he whimpered at the loss. “I’ll make it up to you, doll,” Jared mumbled, pushing Jensen’s legs so that his knees bent, then fell apart. He lowered his mouth over the head of Jensen’s dick, sucking hard once, reveling in the taste of precome on his tongue. “Fuck,” he whispered, reverently, “I knew you’d taste good.” 

His tongue trailed down the underside of Jensen’s cock, past his balls, pressing lightly on his perineum, dragging a keening moan from the younger man’s lips, and then licked a hot, wet, stripe right over the puckered skin in between his cheeks. 

“Fuck! Fuck, Jare, oh my God.” Jensen’s hips bucked up, desperate for more contact. Which Jared gladly gave him, tongue tracing around his rim, licking up into him, coaxing and teasing and softening the taut muscles at his center. 

“Please, Jared, baby please, more. More, don’t stop, shit, fuuuuck, don’t stop…” He almost didn’t even register that he was begging, or that his hips were rolling in time with Jared’s tongue as he worked his way into the heat of the Jensen’s ass. 

His hand made its way back up, stroking Jensen’s cock firmly, smearing the precome gathered at the head down over his shaft and pumping ruthlessly. The pace he set was maddening, Jensen fucking up into his fist, and then down onto his tongue until he thought he’d go crazy from the sensation. 

Jared cursed himself for not getting the lube from the drawer before he’d started. He didn’t want to take his hands or mouth off Jensen for a second, but he had to in order to keep the night moving. 

Swearing, he reached to his right, fumbled with the top drawer, and retrieved the lube, all one handed, still pumping Jensen’s cock with the other. His lover whimpered helplessly, then muttered, “take your clothes off.” Jared tightened his grip on Jensen’s cock, as a reminder, but Jensen just shook his head. “Don’t want you to have to stop again. Take it off.” He whined, and Jared found he couldn’t deny him anything.  
He shucked off his boots, jeans, and boxers with a frenzied impatience, like he couldn’t wait to get back to Jensen. Finally looking at him, all of him, Jensen shivered all over. 

Jared slicked up two fingers with lube, then slowly began working one into Jensen’s puckered hole. Jensen shuddered out a breath, “fucking hell…” he moaned, as Jared pumped it in deeper, coming back up to drape his body over Jensen’s. “Does it feel good, doll? ‘Cause you feel so _fucking_ good inside.” He groaned filthy, sinking his finger in all the way, then pulling out slowly, and driving back in. Jensen keened and began working his ass back against Jared’s fingers, babbling and moaning. 

“More, shit, God, baby more, please, please…” And so Jared slid a second finger up with the first, pausing at Jensen’s hiss of discomfort, raising himself up so that he could see him better. Jensen’s eyes were screwed shut, his breath coming quickly, but he seemed to feel Jared’s eyes on him, and quickly reassured. “Been awhile, is all. I’m fine, baby, I’m fine. Don’t stop.” So Jared scissored his fingers inside, stretching Jensen for him, delighting in his needy whimpers. He pumped his fingers hard and fast, curling them into themselves, trying to get just the right angle, and then, “FUCK! Jared, shit, now. Fuck me. Fuck me now. Please.” Jared grinned wickedly, thrusting his fingers in and over that same spot twice more before pulling out. 

Hiking Jensen’s legs up over his shoulders, he slicked up his cock liberally, aligned himself properly, then leaned down to kiss Jensen as his dick slipped past that first tight ring of muscle. Jensen gasped into his mouth, then he pulled out and sunk in again, deeper now, slowly, letting Jensen adjust. He kept the kiss soft and sweet, reassuring. But Jensen reached up, tangling his fingers into the older man’s hair, trapping them against each other and deepening the kiss. His tongue pressed against Jared’s lips firmly, almost desperately seeking entrance. He moaned happily when Jared opened for him, bucking his hips up, allowing the last of Jared’s cock to slip into him, and then moaning again. 

Jared took this to mean he was ready, and slid out almost completely before slamming back into him. All the air seemed driven from Jensen’s lungs, and he broke the kiss to manage a gasping breath. “Not slow, Pretty. Can’t go slow. You make me crazy. I’ve wanted this, wanted you, like this, since the first time I saw you,” His hips thrust madly, swiveling so that they were hitting a different angle every time, sometimes hitting his prostate, sometimes not, Jensen could hardly breathe from the pleasure. 

_That voice whispering alterations of sweet nothings and filth into his ear as he writhes under him in the dark._

The thought flashed back at him out of nowhere. “Me too,” he gasped out. “Since the first time.” A whine was torn from his throat as Jared leaned down to take a nipple into his mouth. Jared’s pace changed, still brutal, but a little more deliberate, like he’d gotten over his immediate excitement and was now focused on making Jensen absolutely fucking crazy. 

Teeth at the shell of his ear as Jared moaned, “You’re perfect. You’re so fucking perfect.” Then fisted a hand around his cock, pumping in time with his strokes. 

And then Jensen was shuddering, violently, gasping and moaning, making all manner of unintelligible noises, mixed in with the occasional, “Yes, please, _Jared_ ,” before he came, spilling all over Jared’s hand, splattering up his own chest. 

Jared’s eyes rolled back in his head. “Fuck, baby. So fucking hot. So fucking _tight_. Want you like this all the time. Fuck, fuck,  Jensen…” And then he was coming as well, hot splashes filling Jensen up on the inside until he moaned again from the sensation.  
They lay together for a moment, Jared’s head over Jensen’s heart, Jensen’s fingers toying in Jared’s hair, until finally, the taller man drug himself out of bed, to get a warm washcloth from the bathroom. He cleaned them up, and situated them under the covers. 

Face pressed into the crook between Jared’s shoulder and neck, he thought he heard Jared mutter, “Holy shit, doll.” And he remembered smiling, nodding, but he couldn’t recall if he’d said it back, sleep claimed him so quickly.


	6. Bring It On, Sweetheart

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> With a smile and an open heart, Jensen meet Jared. On purpose. For once.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, you guys, this is it. It's short, and sweet, and the end......

_You should let me take you to dinner, doll._

It’d been two days since that night at the club, and Jared and Jensen had finally exchanged phone numbers. He’d been at work when he’d received the text, and had been smiling since his phone had first lit up. 

_I cannot imagine a single thing I’d rather do._

:::::::::::

They ended up meeting for lunch instead at a little Italian place Jensen’d never heard of. Everyone seemed to know Jared by name. They sat outside, Jensen ordering a chicken salad, Jared a huge plate of spaghetti and meatballs, and they just talked.

And it was back. Easy as breathing. Jared told Jensen about how he’d gotten a permanent position at the Times about two months prior. Jensen told Jared that his loan had been approved to buy out his partner at the end of the month. They shared twin pangs of guilt. For everything they’d been through, they hadn’t spoken much about their lives. Too busy trying to breathe in the bubble that was their physical attraction. 

After lunch they went for a walk, still talking, learning every little thing about each other. Jensen told Jared about Mackenzie, and learning the guitar, and why he was so in love with the bookstore. Jared told Jensen about Harley and Sadie, who were staying with his parents in Texas until he got a place with a backyard. About his ex fiancé, Sandy, and how he’d broken her heart when he figured out he was gay. About how Jensen was the first guy he’d ever been with.

“You’re fucking kidding me. You’re **fucking** kidding me!” Jensen cried out, in the middle of the park, attraction a small amount of attention. Jared just did that adorable thing where he ducked his head, hand rubbing over the back of his neck. “I mean, I’d done _stuff_ before, but I’d never…” He trailed off shyly. “Gone all the way?” Jensen tipped his head back, laughing. “Oh my gosh, you _sound_ like a virgin!” Jared was blushing violently, but Jensen just took his hand and led him further along the path. “Aw, don’t worry about it, baby. Now I get to teach you all the good stuff.” He said on a wink. 

They went back to Jared’s apartment, just because they weren’t ready to be away from each other yet. They went through old photographs, told each other embarrassing stories of high school and college, talked about their dreams, their nightmares, their most secret fears and hopes. Jared made dinner, paired with an excellent wine. They watched Star Wars, and then made slow, lazy love on the couch. They fell asleep there, which both of them were entirely too tall to do, and they woke up cramped and irritable.

But as the early morning sun shone off Jared’s chestnut hair, smattering light in those bluegrownbrown orbs that never failed to make Jensen’s stomach flutter, he felt content. After everything, his rift from his family, his poor relationship choices, and just general fuckery, he’d still found something good, something right, something that summed up every single thing he never thought he'd have.

And it felt like home.

Holy shit, he thought with a smile.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> .....for now. 
> 
> I want to thank you all for making my first foray into J2 so much fun. Confession? I've never written slash where they go all the way before, so I was super nervous, but the comments and feedback made it so great! I'm glad you all enjoyed the ride. =]


End file.
